The Wasp

UNIQUE PRIESTLY HOMILY

Part 1

(The Wasp)

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I cannot say that I have firsthand knowledge of this homily but I can say that I did hear it from Abo Kamil who was the president and caretaker of St Elias Church in my beloved village of Aramoun.

Due to its size being some 40 homes the Christian Community of Aramoun could not afford to have permanent resident priest at all times.  The arrangement that existed was that the Orthodox Patriarchy of Mount Lebanon adopted rostering system in allocated priests to various villages in Mount Lebanon for Sunday mass.  The procedure was a priest will come late Saturday and leaves late Sunday.  This particular homily that left indelible tale in the village was delivered by a newly rostered priest, Father Francis, and that was his first mass in St Elias Aramoun.  Father Francis was in his mid thirties and arrived in the village midday Saturday.  He was met by Abo Kamil who showed him the church and took him as a guest to his house.  Father Francis was from the Akkar Region of Lebanon and Aramoun was the second village in his six week roster.  Besides the normal handbag containing the priest’ regalia Father Francis had a round brown bag that was strapped to his left shoulder.

As most serious church parishioners know before the main mass there are matins and and at night there are vesper masses in which chants are performed in one of eight tones in accordance with Byzantium traditions.  On this particular occasion with Father Francis Abo Kamil told me that the Epistle reading was from Saint Paul’s letter to the Hebrew and the Gospel reading was according to Saint Mark.  Girgi Abdallah was icon of Aramoun.  He had heavenly voice and was well trained in all Byzantium tones and church traditions.  After Girgi read/chanted the Epistle Father Francis read the Gospel and it was time for Father Francis to give his homily.  Not wanting to follow church tradition and give standard homily applicable to the Gospel Father Francis fetched the bag he carried strapped to his shoulder from behind the altar opened it and to the amazement of the Aramouni congregation he took out a human skull!  From behind the pulpit Father Francis lifted the skull so everyone could see it.  For a few seconds Father Francis appeared to be thinking how he was going to commence his homily.  He started:

‘From dust to dust, human life, one minute you are here the next you gone’ said Father Francis to his captive Aramouni parishioners looking at the skull.  He continued:  

‘Not one of you, neither I, know who this man was or how he lived his life.  Rich, poor, good, bad, dignified, undignified, saintly, wicked’ … then Father Francis screamed:

‘Hhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck, fuck’ as a wasp that was trying to get out from the orbital fissure (eye socket) stung Father Francis middle finger and another wasp followed as the stunned  Aramouni congregation ducked to avoid the two wasps now buzzing in the church.  Regaining his composure Father Francis said: ‘He could not have been a good man he was obviously ‘ibn sharmouta’ - wicked son of bitch.

Abo Kamil who is known as a man of wisdom in village opened the door so the two wasps left asked Father Francis either to retract the ibn sharmouta comments of a deceased person or give credible evidence that the skull is identified and it is that of a wicked man.  A parishioner lady named Salma sitting at the back shouted: ‘How do you know that the skull is not that of a woman?’ Now irate Father Francis nursing his swollen middle finger said: ‘If it is that of a woman then that woman is bint sharmouta - wicked daughter of a bitch.   Another parishioner asked Father Francis who he got hold of this skull.  Now clearly angry Father Francis with clearly swollen and red throbbing middle finger said: ‘if a deceased is able to harm a man of the church in death and years after death he or she is not only son or daughter of a bitch he or she is manuik or manuiki you interpreted whichever way you like’. Father Francis walked off the pulpit in disgust and refused to continue with the mass.

Needless to say Abo Kamil made formal complaint against Father Francis to the Patriarchy.  The following week Father Ephram fronted up to give the mass at Saint Elias.

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